There’s a reason for the adage that job search is a job. It’s hard work. I’ve seen many folks whose search “stuckness” is often aligned with their own self-defeating behavior patterns. Many of my clients have had their own stories of this. Sometimes they weren’t even aware of these sabotaging behaviors; sometimes they were quite frankly, in denial.
In no particular order, common self-defeating behavior patterns in life show up as:
- Procrastination
- Not listening
- Always being right and wanting control
- Blaming others instead of accepting accountability for mistakes
- Needing to be perfect or obsessing
- Holding grudges
- Making excuses for failure to show up, follow through
- Playing the victim or martyr
- Rejecting help or refusing to ask for it
The list goes on. I’m not a mental health professional. I’m speaking from the perspective of a career coach who’s worked with job seekers for 30 years. How have I seen some of these self-defeating patterns manifest in the job search?
- Not sending the information that employers ask for (too little or too much)
- Not following up with opportunities as soon as they are made available
- Making excuses or downplaying value when they should be selling themselves
- Not listening to those around them: leads, networking contacts, champions, experts etc.
- Not getting past being “wronged” (terminated or other)
- Being late for interviews or meetings
- Not completing crucial “field work” on time or at all
- Spending time in doing what’s “safe”, i.e. sitting at the computer blasting out resumes to advertised openings
- Not exploring what they want but marketing to that questionable goal anyway
Any of these and others I’ve not mentioned can hamper the job search. What I find interesting is that very often people really do want to succeed, are genuinely willing to put forth the effort, and even seem to be “busy and engaged” in the search. But something’s “off”; not quite right; missing.
You do have power here
As Dr. Phil says, “You can’t fix what you don’t acknowledge.” Self-defeating behaviors can often be corrected; but first you have to figure out their source. Most of us have one or more forms of self-defeating behaviors. It’s not as ominous as it sounds, and it’s really fairly widespread among job seekers. We get in our own way, we’re not sure why or how. Sometimes it’s lack of knowledge, and sometimes other priorities in our lives interfere. Let’s face it’; a strategic job search campaign demands multifaceted to-dos. You’re going to slip up from time to time. However, if you repeatedly fall short of where you feel you should be, it may be one of three areas I see as frequent “roots” with my clients’ foiling behaviors.
You never had to look before
Have you in all honesty, been negligent in your search? Perhaps you’ve always been approached by others; had the jobs come to you—until now. You never had to exert effort—till now. Perhaps even though not logically, you are unconsciously expecting the same again. Can you take more initiative? Generating and following up on leads, doing research, and contacting people may be new frontier, but it’s essential. If you get approached again out of the blue, great! Don’t put your eggs in that basket.
You may not know what you want
Consider that if you’ve been casual and inattentive to details in your search, perhaps you’re walking down the wrong path—or no path. Is your uncertainty about what you want possibly reflected in your lack of follow-through and your off-the-cuff attitude? Or perhaps you want what you had. You can’t let go. People don’t sabotage themselves unless there’s a triggering reason. A person who is excited about his/her job goal will often follow through with enthusiasm. If you are letting things slip, examine your motivation. If you explore different career goals, does your self-defeating behavior change? If so, maybe you are on that better path.
You may be unsure about winning
This may sound ridiculous; but it’s not uncommon for people to fail to act because then they won’t risk failure. “People will reject me and say, ‘no’.” Sometimes they’re even scared of success. “If I get there, then what’s expected?” Being late for appointments, not calling people back, not jumping on an opportunity can all be signs of a self-defeating mindset and behavior.
The job search can be scary and overwhelming. It’s driven by cold cyberspace, peppered with bombarded media bursts on statistics and conflicting facts about the job market, and — this is important — many job seekers get bad advice or none at all. If you feel unsure about your job search or suspect that you have behaviors that may be limiting your success, consider engaging a career coach or counselor who can help you get unstuck.
Photo: sam
