Those who know me professionally know that I’m an advocate for self-assessment in the job search. In fact, it’s the first phase in the process: figure out what you want, find where it is, go get it, and enhance it. But here’s the deal. The lion’s share of your self-assessment may be a fruitless attempt if you don’t connect with employers who need you or people who are able to help you.
There are communication skills job seekers need to relate with folks. I recently hailed the glory of good listening. Here’s another. Assertiveness is a top skill in your arsenal. Without it, you will fall short of building those connections and bonds.
I love the story of job seekers roaming the woods, petrified of the dark and trying to find each other. Picture these two large groups – employers and job seekers, meandering around amongst the thick bushes, snarly trees and bumps on the ground. They have a few lit matches and as they search, they will randomly light a match and illuminate a spot, thinking they’ll find who they need. But the person may have left moments before; indeed the match lighter moves on another minute later. There’s a dismal failure to capture any meaningful result from the actions in a constantly fluctuating scenario.
What was missing was assertiveness. The assertive person in the above scene would have shone a light on himself to stand out and draw others to him.
What’s the misconception? Why does it matter?
As an assertive job seeker, you’ll “let people in” to see what you are doing; and you’ll learn what they are doing.
Assertiveness is the straightforward behavior of asking for what you want. As a job seeker, you should be assertive on three levels:
- Articulating your feelings about what you do now, do well in general, and would like to do;
- Taking steps to put you in touch with the people and situations that grab your attention;
- Asking for their advice, insights, perceptions, information and referrals to others.
The research and detective work that goes into job search can quickly lose speed if the particular Sherlock Holmes thinks he has no right to do what he is doing.
Referring back to our chaos-in-the-woods story, assertiveness is not an eternal flame lighting the way. But it’s also not as many assume – a controlling, manipulative aggressiveness. Or winning. It’s different. It’s asking for what you want.
Many of the assumptions about assertiveness out there are fear-based, donned like a weighted backpack filled with notions of worst-that-can-happen scenarios.
My client, Jamie came to me because he lost a job, victim to pessimistic and unfounded fears; and zero execution of assertion. On the way to the interview (an hour drive), he thought only of all the objections they would have to hiring him. Of all the flaws they would find. Keep in mind he was a qualified candidate. He’d been one of a handful selected to interview. By the time of the interview, he started the conversation apologizing for a software program he didn’t know. He forgot to frame the conversation around what they needed (he could really help them) and what he wanted (he wanted that job). Yikes!
Never think of the people you approach as enemies, but as willing collaborators. People want to help you if they know how. They want to connect with you, if they think it makes sense. They want you to help them ease their own pains. Jamie’s interview would have gone an entirely different route had he made pleasant talk with a warm smile, brought notes and used them, internalized his SMART stories, come prepared with questions, taken credit where he deserved it, looked the part and held his own. This is assertion.
Assertiveness is a skill practiced and honed; it’s also a mindset. You have to believe that talking about your work, your value, your search is okay. That asking for referrals, leads and help is okay. Yes, you will be ignored sometimes. You will hear no sometimes. You may even have a door slammed or hear an early phone click. That’s okay too. Stand your ground.
As former Harvard chaplain and leadership expert, Dr. Cal LeMon put it, “Assertiveness is not what you do; it’s who you are.” Tell others! And ask away!
Photo: otama
